I didn't want to get on the machine again today. I don't know what it is about Monday's all of a sudden. But I did get on though. It wasn't hard once i started working on it. It's just getting my head together to go ahead and get it done.

I guess I was just enjoying laying around in my bed. Sometimes I just don't want to think about it. Sometimes I just don't want to get started.

I know that it is to save my life. I know that it gives me a better quality of life. I know that I do it so that I can stay here with my kids a little longer.

Deep down inside it does not really bother me too much. Once I'm on it, I;m on it. Nothing to it. It doesn't even take me as long to get on as it used to. So, now what is the problem?


I think I think about it too much all of a sudden. I didn't used to think about it. I would just come in and get on it. But once I started thinkin g about it, things started to change.

I guess another thing could be that I don't have a schedule down yet for this school year. I am so used to having to take D to school and then come home and get on the machine that I this is very foreign to me. I guess another things is that SINCE I have more time, I am ABLE to do it a little different. It's not bad that I can actually go home and g0 to sleep for an hour or two before I get on the machine and still have time to get a treatment in and be off the machine before anybody comes home.