I do this because....I do this for a number of reasons. The biggest reason is that I hope that it would afford me a longer life (doing more dialysis). It's a big undertaking, but I don't mind. dI am going to have to stop saying that too. It seems like I am saying so much because I want a reason to start hating it. But that would be very stupid because for the rest of my or at least until something better comes along I will have to do this.

But for right now, I don't mind this at all. What I really like is that I can really lay down. I mean lay down flat. That is important.

Erich made me think today. He posed the question about how we feel about having to start dialysis. It doesn't bother me. Maybe I haven't been in it long enough. But right now I have no qualms. Period. And to tell the truth I don't think I will. This shit is easy peasy to me. You can do what you want when you want. For me I just choose to try to keep the same schedule because of my OCD, but really I don't have to. I also can stay out as long as I want and then come in and strap up and go to sleep. It doesn't matter what time I get on and it doesn't matter what time I get off. It's all up to me. I decide. Like Monday morning I am going to get up when Dh gets up at (no I"m not, I don't have any money) NO, I can because this should be covered. It's doing the same thing it was doing before the tranny was overhauled. I'm going to do my tx at 2'00 in the am and be through with it. To tell the

To tell the truth thats how I should do it every MOnday instead of waiting until I get back with DS. It won't throw my schedule off either because I'm off on Sunday and the tx won't be too close together. I can just get up when DH does and come down here and sleep. And then when I get through at 0600, I am completely through for the day. I like that idea.

See, that's the good thing about having Nxstage here at home. I can choose how I want to do it. I can choose when I want to do it. I am free to choose. Not too many people in this life get to choose how and when they want to do their medical txs. I do.